Beehive, Sunday 20th September 2020

30 Over Match: Beehive beat Inkpen by 88 runs (Beehive 207/7 in 30 overs, Inkpen 119/8 in 30 overs)

Team: Dave Lester (Capt), Wayne Knape, James Hall, Lee Duff, Kevin Dolan, Patrick Lowe, Luke Donohoe, Josh Donohoe, John Donohoe, Doug Hall, Ian Dixon

Match report by Dave Lester…

Well guys and girls that time has come, the end of the 2020 season. A season that we didn’t think we would see and one that has been a big success for Inkpen CC. We have had over 25 players don the whites, with at least 5 debuts and more importantly 2 wins. Could we finish the season off in style and get a third scalp, or would the cricketing gods remind us all of how good we really are.

Before I get started on the final match report of the year, I just need to say that this report would have been available sooner had we not allowed the apprentice rope engineer in Kev “how hard can this be” Dolan to put the rope away at the end of the game. As a result of our rookie mistake, it only took 5 blokes nearly an hour to untangle what clearly only took Kev five mins to mess up, so next season kev I think you need more practice at it. Also, if you ever have a stubborn stain that you cannot get out, please go round to Eain “daz” Dicko’s house. He clearly has the secret, if you remember Dicko made a bit of us mess of his shirt a few week ago. However not a drop of claret in sight on his pristine shirt, the same cannot be said for his face, although his wife Claire clearly has the secret to stain removal, she is not a miracle worker.

So on to the game, this week we welcome Beehive CC which by the way Simon “I can’t tell the time” Hanna (he turned up late) described as a pub team. I don’t know what pubs you’ve been to Mr Hanna but they’re clearly very good ones. So as the old saying goes, why break a habit of a lifetime it was over to the skipper to lose the final toss of the year and with the late September sun beating down Inkpen were put into field. After his heroics the week before (and with Luke “my groin” Donohoe not being able to bowl) alongside Dave “I shouldn’t be out in this heat” Lester, it was Doug “I’m going to keep asking if you really want me to bowl until you say no” Hall that was chosen to reduce the opening pair to a respectable total. Respectable was achieve as Beehive were reduce to 29 off the first 6 overs (this would have been slightly less had James “it’s ok the rope will stop it” Hall hadn’t let it through the legs. Unfortunately, unlike the week before Doug “I’m only doing 3 overs” Hall was unable to snaffle another one, so with the opening pair settling in nicely it was time for the first bowling change of the game. It was time to bring on the big guns (well when I say big guns, more like pea shooters), however with that said it was Wayne “I really want that trophy” Knape who was able to claim the first wicket with a little help from James “oh is that what my hands are for” Hall who held on to a catch. At the other end however John” I love my hat so much I’m going to bowl in it” Donohoe wasn’t having as much luck, In fact clearly his youngest Josh “I only need one hand” Donohoe had really upset him during the morning, as John was making him dive all over the place behind the stumps in order to stop the runs. However with the score reading 63 off 13 for 1 wicket it was over to Dave “multitask” Lester to help big JD and Wayne out with their figures by taking a routine catch at point and then whilst tending to his children on the boundary was able to turn and take a low catch at deep mid on (oh the talent of this boy). This however clearly upset the opposition as they started to hit a few more boundaries, and soon raced from 96 for 3 to 146 for 3 in 6 overs, this however was not helped by Inkpen, who I can only feel that as it was a very sunny day, they all wanted to wear the pink hat of shame. Now normally I would name and shame however there were so many, I feel you would still be reading this at the start of next season. Once the opening batsman had made it to his century and retired the wickets started to tumble including the skipper being on a hat trick (he didn’t get it, to the delight of the team ) and Doug “yes you are finishing the overs” Hall to take two in the last over including another catch for Dave “hands like buckets” Lester however by this point beehive had hit 207 (including 21 off the skipper’s over) for 7 wickets, the first time 200 had been scored this season.

So not for the first time but the last this season Inkpen had a chase on, and with the positivity oozing from the skipper regarding a win. Inkpen sent the old combo of Wayne “33” Knape and James “let’s see if I can bat better than I can field” Hall into battle. It was all going so well with Beehive clearly drinking the same water as Inkpen, as they shelled two catches in the first 2 overs, which allowed the pink hat of shame to return to the field (I think they like the idea of the hat). However, as the supporters gathered in their groups of six on the boundary it wasn’t long before they got to see their first wicket. With Wayne “I’ll give him another chance to catch it” Knape playing exactly the same shot as he did when he was dropped. Unfortunately, the result wasn’t the same. That provided Lee “no fear” Duff to enter the action and enter it he did, providing headaches for the gnats that were hovering in the autumn sun. 4 balls, 4 swings, caught for 5. Inkpen were rocking and when James “hey Wayne I like that idea” Hall followed Wayne by holing out to the same guy who dropped him with the same shot Inkpen were 34 for 3 off 10. That brought Pat “I’m very mellow now” Lowe to the crease could he provide Inkpen with a respectable total. With a little help from Kev “I wish I hadn’t touched the rope” Dolan and the two Donohoe boys the answer was yes, Inkpen raced onto 75 for 5 off 21 overs, now although the game had gone and the crowd had turned their attention to the opposition players on the boundary (who joined in the banter very well) the fall of a few wickets allowed John “I really love this hat Sonya, I don’t need a helmet” Donohoe to show us all what he can do. Well I’ll tell you what he can do shall I. He can run a lot faster than Pat, so much so at one point whilst Pat was still turning from his 1st run John “Usain” Donohoe was already back down the track for a 2nd and with a direct hit from the keeper, Pat fell 9 short of his 50. So with Pat back in the hutch and Doug “you don’t need those ribs” Hall being pelted by their quicker bowlers there was one more bit of drama to unfold. Now you might be wondering why has the skipper not gone in at number 3? (You’re probably not thinking this at all). Well due to a little inter-team competition involving the converted duck award, the skip decided that he would use his captaincy powers to try and ensure he didn’t win it by going in at 11. What made the drama was that his closest rival and reigning duck champion Eain “quackers” Dixon had been put in at number at 10 and with 4 balls left JD was bowled (did he do it on purpose?), meaning Dicko had 3 balls to survive and if he was out he would be retaining the title. So, with their quick bowlers on the first ball came down, Dicko played a big…. defensive shot, what was going on? I mean 2020 throwing up Covid 19 and 2 wins for Inkpen is one thing, but Eian “one shot” Dixon playing a defensive shot? I can’t cope any more. 2 balls remaining, another huge… swing (thats better, back to normal) and with the finest of edges it runs down to 3rd man for one… he survived, and as the skipper practiced eating bread and sleeping with his head in his backside (watch a duck sleep), the end of the game and the season arrived. Inkpen had hit 119 off their 30 overs for 8 wickets resulting in a convincing win for Beehive.

So as the nights draw in and Doug “groundsman Willie” Hall prepares to put the square to sleep with his special “fertiliser stuff” for another year, it just leaves me to say what a pleasure it has been playing this season with all the players who have provided me with some absolute golden moments for these reports (I couldn’t be this good without them).

Special thanks must go to Simon “Mr Inkpen CC” Hanna for arranging all the games considering we didn’t think we wouldn’t get to play (some of the old boys in Covid Corner may not call it playing). Thank you to all the teams we have played. As always it has been enjoyable seeing old faces and some new ones, we hope that next season we can play again… hopefully we might win a few more. Also, a huge thank you must go to our resident scorer Mrs Claire “alright love” Hall who has had to sit and endure most of the batting collapses, wides and byes every week. Without you we would have probably just made the score up. And still lose. To all the spectators who come and support us, even if it is an excuse to drink cider in a playing field again (some haven’t done that for many years). The final thankyou goes to our sponsor Mr Christian ” best butchers in town” Alba who kindly donated funds in order for us to purchase some new equipment at the start of the season. You never know Christian, we might actually learn to use the bats by the start of next season. So, onwards to the awards night we go…. it’s going to be quite hotly contested apart from the duck award… we all know where that’s going, QUACK QUACK!!