Collingbourne, Sunday 13th June 2021

30 Over Match: Inkpen beat Collingbourne by 70 runs (Inkpen 215/2 in 30 overs, Collingbourne 145/2 in 30 overs)

Team: Dave Lester (Capt), James Hall, Doug Hall, James Wooldridge, David Glitz, Ian Dixon, Stuart Walker, Dave Lamb, Richard Mitchell, Wayne Knape, Phil Day

Match report by Dave Lester…

With the champagne and “KEENWA” finally cleaned up and the crowd recovered from last weeks memorable victory, Inkpen CC were on their travels to Collingbourne to try and extend our winning run to 2 in a row, something we have never been able to achieve. With the thermostat set to “no gingers allowed outside between 5am and 9pm” and the sun cream being applied mostly using Richard “what are these glove things for again” Mitchell’s gloves (You’ll understand later), I strolled out for the toss with the oppos’s skipper. It was at this point I heard a sentence that I don’t think I’ve ever heard since the founding of Inkpen cc “can you bat first to make a game of it”!!!!!! yes regular readers we had finally made it on the batting stage either that or they were so good they didn’t want to post 400 off 30 overs and for us to go home mid game. So with Dave “no more ducks please” Lester demoting himself to number 9 it was up to the returning Ean “has anyone in Scotland found my phone” Dixon and having recovered from last week’s exercise Dave “the beetroot” Glitz to get Inkpen going….. and in the words of Bruce Forsyth “didn’t they do well” getting us off to an absolute flyer with 6’s and 4’s being sent all over the place and that was just the defensive shots, Inkpen were 17 for 0 off the first 3 overs and looking good. Well good that was until Ean “How high can I roll these trousers up to get a tan” Dixon was bowled having a big ole swing for a very quick 20. That signalled the arrival of Inkpen’s in form batsman… fresh from his heroics the week before Dave “You’re not signing him up ECB” Lamb set about ensuring Inkpen posted a good solid total. He also set about ensuring that Dave “ouch I broke a nail” Glitz was going to have to push through the pain barrier and lose 12 stone in sweat to keep up with him, with some quick(ish) 2’s.

Now for those that read my small novel last week you will remember the request that our wonderful scorer Claire made regarding a scorers hut, well if she was looking for ideas she found it in the form of Collingbourne “very Midsomer murders” score box, although there would have been no time for coffee machines the way the 2 Dave’s were batting. With wonderful stroke play and Dave “ just don’t take your shoe off” Glitz learning. I mean watching on from the other end, Dave “the machine. That was until I was asked you bowl the last over later on” Lamb was unstoppable racing to his first Inkpen 50 and taking Inkpen to 164 for 1 off 22. Now some would say your only as good as your last performance well I can safely say that this week he was better however as a skipper it’s important to ensure that team morale is kept up, everyone feels good and talented players remain grounded. So with it looking like Dave “did I mention my 113 to anyone” Lester would be replaced as the most recent centurion , it was only right my morale was upheld. Well thanks to some clear divine intervention… it was because no sooner had I got up to take a photo of this momentous occasion Dave “don’t care your only 14 I’m still hitting you for 6” Lamb was bowled for 87, I could retake my seat with the knowledge that he’s not that good yet.

The loss of the wicket naturally led to a change in batsman and as the old saying goes “out with the old and in with the young” quite literally in this case as James “powered by Keenwa” Hall entered the arena, with grandparents watching on (who by the way travelled all the way from Preston to watch Inkpen, we have a travelling fan base!!!!). Alongside Dave “yep think I broke my toe” Glitz who was somehow still standing, they set about setting a even bigger total for Inkpen and with Dave “please retire me” Glitz hitting a beautiful 6 to bring about his 50 and in turn getting to sit down (I really wouldn’t take your shoe off is I was you), James “can someone please spell my name correctly” WooLDridge adding a few Inkpen reached……. yes I couldn’t quite believe myself 215 for 2 off 30 yes readers for once that is not a typo we actually hit over 200.

So with the disbelief and shock at such a wonderful score, there was more disbelief and shock that Tea was not being supplied… That was until the wonderful Claire “who needs Deliveroo” Hall arrived with what can only be described as some of the softest yet fluffiest white bread, containing proper fillings sandwiches and cake… Inkpen really were spoilt and very very full.

So once again with bellies full and a comfortable total to protect it was only right that those that didn’t get to bat had a chance with the ball… and how they did. After last week’s utter surprise of the skipper Dave “Warne” Lester bowling a maidan it was only fitting I should open alongside Doug “the more I drink the better I bowl” Hall. Well what I’m about to write will make this game seem like a made up fairy tell, not only did we restrict Collingbourne to 25 off 12 overs the skipper finished with 3 yes 3 maidans. Within those overs the first 2 wickets fell. One was a regulation catch for the returning vice skipper Wayne “I’m not getting slower, I’m just lending the youngster some of my pace” Knape and the other a wonderful leg spinning, beat the batsman all ends up, world class LBW. Alright alright it should have gone for 6 but he missed it and he was out. So with Collingbourne struggling to score freely and the Inkpen fielders diving around and stopping the ball like the Russian synchronised gymnastic Olympic team except Dave “sniper in the trees” Glitz, bowling changes were regular. In fact for the first time in the skippers reign everyone who could bowl (not you Glitz… its ok we know your nail is hurting) was going to bowl that included the retuning Mr Stu “Oakley 3rd team under 9’s official mascot” Walker and Mr Phil “the virgin bowler” Day who had never bowled in a game before and facing two batsman who had both made 50, he more than held his own so much so, he can open the bowling next week (really wish I could see his face as he reads this). So with everyone getting a bowl you must be wondering if there were any more wickets… well the answer is no, not that we didn’t try in fact our well-loved wicket keeper Richard “yes readers, he did wear a jumper in 30 degree heat” Mitchell tried at least 6 times to catch the ball unfortunately most of them never carried (ey Rich?)… if by not carried you mean went in and then back out of your gloves at navel height then yes they didn’t carry.

So as the game grew old and an Inkpen win was all but a formality (didn’t think I’d ever write those words) Collingbourne ended on 145 for 2 off 30 overs and for the first time in our short modern day history we had a winning streak Inkpen were flying, However with that in mind it’s important to remain grounded, very much like my attempt at catching when yes I did drop an absolute sitter… sorry James. This week we have 2 games a 20/20 against Hungerford and the return of our friends from Peasemore, so the next time I write an illiterate masterpiece I may be writing about a 4 game winning streak… I doubt it, but I might.