30 Over Match: Inkpen beat Wilton by 92 runs (Inkpen 174/8 in 30 overs, Wilton 82 all out in 21.1 overs)
Team: Dave Lester (Capt), Wayne Knape, James Hall, Archie Darke, Richard Broer, Richard Mitchell, Doug Hall, Ian Dixon, Bertie Darke, Phil Day, Jeff Hutchinson
Match report by Dave Lester…
So as we waved goodbye to another August and rolled into what felt like autumn already, Inkpen welcomed yet another team of old friends to the Rec in Wilton (Who incidentally provided Inkpen with their only win of last season) This Wilton team however were far from old as they arrived, Phil “ I had a bruise on my hand from last week… honestly” Day and Doug “ yes my 6th holiday this year to Devon was lovely thanks” Hall must of felt like museum relics. With that said though they were not the oldest as Wilton had included the legend that is Cyril York (you may remember he played for us at Wilcot) and for those that read these reports he is still waiting for his over 80’s England call up.
Whilst were on the subject of age, we must say happy birthday to yet another of the Donohoe clan this time the matriarch Mrs Sonya Donohoe who I believe was celebrating her……. nope ran out of fingers and toes sorry, I hope the game was a lovely birthday treat for you.
So onto the game then, as the captains walked out to the middle, so that Inkpen could lose the toss again. A little bit of information was passed onto the visiting skipper about how the pitch was soft and slow, was this a ploy to seed doubt in their mind or a case of too much info, you will find out shortly. So Inkpen were put into bat, a rare occasion to say the least only the 2nd time this season and with Pat away with the family it was back to the opening pair of Wayne “ I love the number 33” Knape and James “ look at my tan” Hall to get us started. WHAT a start, as the first ball went for four, was 2020 about to throw another against all odds event our way, course it was. The first four turned out to be one of many as Inkpen raced into a strong start scoring 45 off the first 8 overs. It wasn’t long before the inevitable happened though with James “ Cyrils gonna get you ” Hall falling to the great man himself for 13. This however allowed Archie “ I should be with my girlfriend… not playing cricket Dad” Darke to enter the scene. What an entrance it was, as his 98 year old war hero grandad watched on he took to wounding the bowling attack with fours and sixes all over the ground, taking Inkpen to an impressive 80 of 12. The wickets however kept falling with Wayne “33 really is my lucky number “ Knape falling for 33 for the 2nd week in a row and the skipper hitting a quick fire 16 before not quite reaching the boundary, getting caught in the deep it was over to the big hitting Richard “yes you did swear” Broer to try and add to the impressive start. However as the ball was smashed to the boundary for a certain four, the smallest player on the pitch had other ideas as he threw a hand up, the ball stuck like only Rich “ oh so that’s how you catch it “ Mitchell could dream of, what a catch young man was heard all around the ground, which was beginning to fill up nicely.
So with Rich “ pass me that beer “ Broer back in the hutch, Inkpen were stalling slightly at 114 off 20. That allowed Rich” wow I scored a run in the first 20 balls” Mitchell to let loose, that’s right ladies and gentleman he actually scored quickly along with Archie “ don’t get me angry” Darke who eventually fell for 39, Inkpen were racing towards their highest score of the season. With Inkpen 6 down it allowed Eian “ my mum bought me some vanish for my whites“ Dixon to have a swing and he was going really well taking Inkpen to 142, until he literally took the skippers advice of use your head and bat sensibly ( yes Dicko I used that joke again). As the latest beamer came down … there had been a few, Dicko decided that instead of smashing it for six he would add too his already extensive list of head injuries by trying to head butt it to the boundary. However as he hit the deck with a scream… (which most likely came from Rich” now that’s a reason to dive on the floor hurt “ Mitchell) at the other end, it was obvious that his wife was going to need a lot more than the vanish to get his whites clean for next week.
Now normally I would describe the last few overs but unfortunately as the blood poured from Dickos eye lid and he reached for the beer to reduce the swelling… apparently its a medically proven method, I only have the scorebook to go off. Now as I sit here reading the book, I notice that a congratulations is in order as Phil “ i’m up for batsman of the year” day scored his first Inkpen run, with yet another not out innings, the first of many we hope
So with Inkpen finishing with their highest total of the season of 174 for 6 off their 30 overs and the champagne flowing on the boundary, 2020 had really lost the plot, Inkpen couldn’t surely win two games in one season could they.
Well as they took the field including Eian “ super glue” Dixon wearing the pink hat of shame, it was over to the skipper to open the bowling with Bertie “ two pairs of shoes” Darke steaming in from the other end. Oh and what an first over it was, with Rich” How do these gloves work again” Mitchell dropping the 2nd ball of the innings, Dave” ill do it myself then” Lester produced an absolute ripper of a ball. As it span beautifully (can you tell who’s writing this report) off the pitch knocking the off stump bail to the ground, Inkpen were on top. It didn’t end there, with the skipper taking another two wickets (ensuring Inkpen’s first wicket maiden of the season was recorded) and with Bertie making Eain “ I cant actually see” Dixon practice his one eyed catching Inkpen had reduced Wilton to 35 for 4 off 11 overs. That was the cue for a change in attack and with James “ anything you can do skip I can do better” Hall providing Inkpen with not one but two more wicket maidens, (mainly thanks to his dad) who after dropping one, allowing him to don the pink hat of shame, then took an outstanding catch to ensure the catch of the season award was now a 3 way race. However it was of no thanks to Wayne “butterfingers” Knape who dropped a dolly and didnt make up for it with a scorcher.
So with Archie” Can I bowl spin… no you can’t” Darke removing the great Cyril, Inkpen were cruising. Even Phil” that was such a slip” Day was throwing himself around to stop fours… more bruises next week phil. Wilton’s batting was becoming as unstuck as Dicko’s plaster ( who by the way had to leave the pitch… what a wimp) and their batting wasn’t helped when the skipper called on Rich “ 5 bad 1 good ball” Broer to remove their danger man and to also take a blinding close quarters catch (even if he did need to change his trousers afterwards) giving the granddad of our pace attack Wayne ” oh so that’s how you catch a ball” Knape his weekly wicket.
With Wilton 9 down, it was a special moment that finally ensured Inkpen victory. Jeff” how many do I have to bowl” Hutchinson had never bowled a ball in anger and with his wife not in the slightest bit interested on the side-lines, he decided that his bowling average was going to be the best Inkpen cricket club had ever seen. So with the umpire explaining where he could bowl from and the crowd ready and waiting, Jeff produced a cracker, the batsman could only defend it, but there waiting was James “the Salmon” Hall to dive forward and ensure Jeff’s figures will always read bowled 1 ball, 1 wicket, no runs. More importantly though that wicket ensured Inkpen had won by 92 runs, their biggest ever margin of victory.
So as the players came off to three cheers from their adoring fans (it may have been for the birthday girl) and Dicko looking more like Anthony Joshua’s sparring partner. It must be said that although we all play the game for fun and the enjoyment of getting together on a Sunday afternoon, winning adds that little bit of extra ‘je a sai quoi’ to it and before you say it.. I know its spelt wrong. On to the next one and we welcome Bodleian Library which again was a very close run game last year…we couldn’t … could we?